Raise your hand if you have accidentally stumbled across a “red pill” forum (sub reddit) on the internet for men. There is even one for married men.

Maybe you have googled: Is there a Red Pill type forum or discussion board for women?

Here’s the thing: men are simple creatures. They want to be told what to do. Usually women prefer nuance, which is why they are perfectly comfortable with qualifiers such as : Yes, but actually I think/feel this way….

Red Pill vs. Blue Pill is Black or White Thinking. It’s RULES that have no nuance.

This is the opposite of Slow Living, which is all about Simply Looking Only Within.

YET. Women come to me. They ask for help and they ask for rules. They want to know what to do, when to do it, and simply want to turn their brains off and follow orders.

This is why I wrote the Slow Living: Cultivating a Life of Purpose in a Hustle-Driven World book. It is a guidebook for Adulting Properly and Living a GOOD LIFE.

But maybe there is too much nuance — so. Here you go — Here is a list of Red Pill Rules for Women.
🙂

You are welcome!!! oxxo steph

The Married Woman’s “Red Pill” (But Make It Peaceful, Not Angry)

Did you see The Matrix? I saw it in the theater with my husband when it first came out. I already was on a spiritual and Personal Development journey and thought it was so OBVIOUS and LAME and BEYOND SIMPLE it was stupid to me. I hated it. And yet, it seems to have been some “unlocking of the universe” for so many.

If you already read a ton of personal development books, please know you aren’t missing anything. The Red Pill is simply referring to a scene in The Matrix when Neo (Keanu Reaves; not my favorite actor) has to choose between two pills.

Take the blue pill—stay comfortable, keep everything the same.

Take the red pill—see reality as it actually is.

Here’s the thing no one tells you:

Most women in midlife aren’t choosing the blue pill.

They’re just… exhausted.

They’re overwhelmed, overstimulated, over-responsible—and quietly hoping someone else will change so they can feel better.

— Their husband.
— Their kids.
— Their schedule.
— Their body.
— Their mood.
— Their life.

But if you’re here, reading this, looking for a “cheat code”…

This is it.

Not sexy. Not flashy.

But real.

If you want “Rules” the way they have in the subreddits for men —- here are some rules.
In a nutshell: buckle up, buttercup. Put your big girl pants on. You are in charge. Stop waiting to be saved.

The Slow Living Podcast is FILLED with this advice, but here it is in “red pill” format. 🙂

The  Woman’s Red Pill (married or unmarried)

1. Stop narrating your life. Start living it.

You don’t need to explain, justify, or process every single feeling out loud.

You don’t need a committee meeting for every decision.

You don’t need to say:

• “I’m thinking about getting healthier”
• “I might start waking up earlier”
• “I feel like I need a reset”

Just… begin.

Quietly.

Slow Living isn’t about announcing change.

It’s about embodying it.

2. Your life is not a group project

This is the hardest one.

You’ve been taught—implicitly or explicitly—that:

• marriage is teamwork
• parenting is shared
• decisions should be discussed

And yes… to a point.

But your:

• energy
• health
• time
• emotional regulation

That’s yours.

If you are waiting for your husband (or boyfriend, spouse, parents, boss, coworkers, children, etc etc etc) to change so you can feel calm…

you’re outsourcing your peace.

3. You are not a martyr (even if it feels justified)

Doing everything for everyone else and then feeling resentful?

That’s not kindness.

That’s a covert contract.

“If I do all of this, someone will notice. Someone will help. Someone will appreciate me.”

Sometimes they don’t.

Not because they’re terrible.

But because you trained them not to.

Slow Living asks a different question:

What would your life look like if you stopped over-functioning?

 

4. Your body is the fastest way to change your life

Not your thoughts.

Not your marriage.

Not your schedule.

Not your job.

Not through therapy.

Your body.

• — Sleep more
• — Move daily
• — Eat like you matter

This isn’t about weight.

It’s about stability.

This is why the #1 Rule for the Men’s Red Pill boards is to LIFT. Do your own version of LIFTING.
(but also? Lift. It’s good for your brain, body, and wards off osteoporosis!)

When your body is regulated, your life feels different—even if nothing else changes.

5. Stop trying to fix the relationship. Fix your capacity.

Most women come here (to Slow Living) wanting:

— better communication
— more connection
— more intimacy

Of course they do, and if this is you, you are not alone and you are not wrong.

But these things don’t come first.

If you’re running on empty—
if everything feels like too much—

no relationship strategy is going to land.

Capacity comes first and that usually comes from SAYING NO and protecting yourself. You want to FEEL good. This starts by focusing on that.

[TIP: if you haven’t already begun journaling, start. The Daily Work has guided questions and the first is How Do You Want to Feel Today?]

When you understand your capacity and begin to protect your boundaries, everything else gets easier.

6. The “stay plan” and the “change plan” are the same

You don’t need to decide:
“Should I stay or should I go?”

Not yet.

Because either way…

You still need to become:

• calm instead of reactive
• grounded instead of overwhelmed
• intentional instead of scattered

So instead of trying to solve your entire marriage, or fix your job situation, or come to peace with your past and fix mistakes …

Start by stabilizing yourself.

The clarity you are seeking comes later. (I promise!!)

7. This will feel slow (because it is)

You will not:

• — wake up different tomorrow
• — fix your life in a weekend
• — suddenly feel like a new person

This is not a makeover.

It’s a recalibration.

Think months, not days. This is a Slow Living website, and this is what I teach. Teeny tiny baby steps, overtime, will add up. I don’t want you to Burn it All Down. Think gentle and soft — not impressive or dramatic. We are looking for sustainablity.

I want you to be on this path for a long time. But trust me, the change you are seeking will absolutely happen.

8. You don’t need a new life. You need a quieter one.

This is where most advice goes wrong.

It tells you to:

• do more
• try harder
• optimize everything

Slow Living says:

What if the answer is less?

Less noise
Less rushing
Less reacting
Less performing

More space.

More intention.

More you.

We are living in a society that rewards Hustle Culture. But real change, the stuff that moves mountains and is powerful is slow and quiet.
This is counter culture. Embrace — do not fight.

9. Stop Putting Up with BULLSHIT

The Honest Truth No One Wants to Say Out Loud

You can’t control:

• –your husband
• –your kids
• –your past
• –other people’s behavior

But you can absolutely change:

• –how you spend your time
• –how you treat your body
• –how you respond
• –what you tolerate

And when you do…

your entire life begins to shift.

Slowly, quietly, and with intention.

If You Were Looking for a Cheat Code…

This is it.

It’s not loud, or aggressive, or performative.

Instead, it’s just steady, grounded change that happens over time by making the next best microdecision.

If you want the full framework for how to actually do this step-by-step, that’s exactly what I teach in Slow Living: Cultivating a Life of Purpose in a Hustle-Driven World.

But for now?

Pick one thing.

Do it today.

And don’t announce it.
🙂

consider yourself loved and hugged.
I think you are wonderful. oxxo steph